Cheating Spouses
I was having a conversation today with an acquaintance of mine, and they asked me what to look for to see if a spouse was cheating. I responded that the first thing I do, if they seem like they have some doubt, is have the person take a deep breath, and reply, without thinking about it, to a question I am going to ask them. The question I ask is “Do you think your husband/wife is cheating on you?”
Why do I ask that? Because I want their gut reaction, you see. If you lived with someone for awhile, you know them and you know their habits and routines. When something is out of place, your subconscious is noticing the facts, and that gives rise to the feelings of suspicion.
If they say yes, or if they are already convinced their partner is cheating, then I ask them what makes them think infidelity is occurring. If they can’t articulate why they are suspicious, then I ask them some standard questions.
1. Does your spouse want a lot more privacy than usual? Are they taking long walks, talking to people in the middle of the night, or just demand “some time to think”?
2. Has your spouse had any mood swings lately? Guilt will cause some people to swing from happy to angry and back again without apparent cause.
3. Has your spouse suddenly taken an interest in working out and dieting, and actually follow through? People like to impress their new “loves”.
4. Does your spouse spend a lot of time on their computer and changes the screen whenever you come close?
5. Have you ever found two sets of cups or other food containers when there should have been only one?
6. Does your spouse rarely seem to shower and yet always looks fresh and well groomed? It could be they are showering somewhere else.
7. Do they work a lot of overtime, but you haven’t seen any extra money in their income?
8. Does you find yourself being criticized for everything and does your spouse blame you for everything?
9. Have you checked their odometer and found extra miles they can’t account for?
10. Do they tell one story when questioned, and then later will say something different?
11. Has your sex life dropped off?
12. Are their unexplained purchases on the credit card or unexplained receipts?
13. Is someone calling and then hanging up or are they getting calls and suddenly excuse themselves from the room?
14. Does your spouse spend more time away from home than they did before?
15. Do you smell cologne or perfume on them that isn’t yours?
16. Have you been treated for an STD lately?
Usually, there will be one or more of these signs showing if your spouse is cheating. If none of these questions fit the situation exactly, they will usually jog someone’s memory and they will tell me what caused their suspicions.
If you noticed any of these things, then you have a right to be suspicious. Even if you haven’t consciously noticed them, your subconscious probably will, and you should trust your instincts.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
What Type of Pistol Should I Carry? Pt 2
What type of ammunition should I buy? You should buy American made ammunition. Our ammo is the best in the world, bar none. There is a great deal of quality difference among non-US manufactures, so be careful. There is a confusing plethora of ammo on the market. The +P ammunition tends to be much better than standard loads. This is why I recommend you buy a pistol manufactured after 1985 by a first class pistol manufacturer, they will be able to handle the +P loads. If you do not like the extra bang when you fire a hot load, then I recommend you stick with standard loads. Note: You can buy cheaper ammo for practice and you’ll be fine. Just make sure you are carrying quality ammo on the street. Winchester “white box” usually bought at Wal-Mart is the go-to ammo for practice amongst the gun enthusiast crowd. Also, make sure your ammo says JHP, or Jacketed Hollow Point, if you want to carry it for protection. FMJ, or Full Metal Jacket, is fine for practice and will be cheaper. Don’t buy any ammunition that doesn’t have a metal jacket, or you’ll spend a lot of time cleaning the lead out of your gun. Oh, if you want, you can use reloaded ammo, which is recycled ammo, for practice but never, ever, ever carry it for personal protection.
What are the quality ammunition manufacturers? Federal, Remington, Winchester, Hornady, Cor-Bon, or CCI/Speer are all good manufacturers, although their product line varies and you many not find a particular brand in the caliber you want.
My ammo recommendations for Revolvers:
.22 Long Rifle - CCI “Stinger” 32 grain (grain refers to the weight of the bullet and is abbreviated gr. It can also refer to the amount of powder in the bullet, but that’s not relevant for this discussion. The boxes will be marked with the bullet weight, not the powder measure.) or the Remington “Yellow Jacket” 33gr ammo. Any ammo made by Federal, Remington, Winchester, or CCI of 37 grain or less.
.32 H&R Magnum – Federal 85gr Jacketed Hollow Point. I personally would prefer a .22 Long Rifle over this round. It’s not very common really, and not very good for self defense, but I thought it should be included.
.38 Special – For guns with a 2” barrel, I would use either Federal Personal Defense Nyclad 125 Grain Hollow Point ammo or Winchester Silvertip 110 grain JHP for standard loads. For ammo that is hotter, I would use Federal 129 grain +P Hydra-shok JHP or Remington 125 grain +P Golden Saber HPJ.
If you want to carry a gun with a 4” barrel, you can use Cor-Bon .38 Special +P 125 grain JHP, but, be warned, it’s a hot load.
.357 Magnum – If you have a 2.5” barrel, or you don’t like a lot of recoil, then I would recommend Remington Medium Velocity 125 grain Semi-Jacketed Hollow point and the Cor-Bon 110 grain JHP. If you want more punch in your 4” gun, then you should try Federal .357 Magnum 125 grain jacketed hollow point or Remington full-power 125 grain semi-jacketed hollow point.
.44 Special – The most recommended round for this gun is Cor-Bon 180 grain JHP followed by the Winchester Silvertip 200 grain JHP.
.44 Magnum - Cor-Bon's 180 grain or Federal's 180 grain medium-velocity JHP are acceptable, but this is a powerful handgun and not really suited for concealed carry, despite what Dirty Harry says about them.
So, what kind of person chooses to carry a revolver in this age of high capacity semi-automatics?
Revolvers are for people who carry a gun for the same reason they carry car insurance, they don’t plan on using it, but it’s there if they need it. Automatic pistols require more training to use because they are a more complicated piece of machinery so knowing how to clear a jam or fix a malfunction under stress is a part of the combat training. With a revolver, if it doesn’t go bang the first time, you just pull the trigger again and it will be ready to go. If you don’t think you need 18 rounds of ammo loaded in your Glock 17 9mm, then a revolver can be your new friend and be very happy together.
What are the quality ammunition manufacturers? Federal, Remington, Winchester, Hornady, Cor-Bon, or CCI/Speer are all good manufacturers, although their product line varies and you many not find a particular brand in the caliber you want.
My ammo recommendations for Revolvers:
.22 Long Rifle - CCI “Stinger” 32 grain (grain refers to the weight of the bullet and is abbreviated gr. It can also refer to the amount of powder in the bullet, but that’s not relevant for this discussion. The boxes will be marked with the bullet weight, not the powder measure.) or the Remington “Yellow Jacket” 33gr ammo. Any ammo made by Federal, Remington, Winchester, or CCI of 37 grain or less.
.32 H&R Magnum – Federal 85gr Jacketed Hollow Point. I personally would prefer a .22 Long Rifle over this round. It’s not very common really, and not very good for self defense, but I thought it should be included.
.38 Special – For guns with a 2” barrel, I would use either Federal Personal Defense Nyclad 125 Grain Hollow Point ammo or Winchester Silvertip 110 grain JHP for standard loads. For ammo that is hotter, I would use Federal 129 grain +P Hydra-shok JHP or Remington 125 grain +P Golden Saber HPJ.
If you want to carry a gun with a 4” barrel, you can use Cor-Bon .38 Special +P 125 grain JHP, but, be warned, it’s a hot load.
.357 Magnum – If you have a 2.5” barrel, or you don’t like a lot of recoil, then I would recommend Remington Medium Velocity 125 grain Semi-Jacketed Hollow point and the Cor-Bon 110 grain JHP. If you want more punch in your 4” gun, then you should try Federal .357 Magnum 125 grain jacketed hollow point or Remington full-power 125 grain semi-jacketed hollow point.
.44 Special – The most recommended round for this gun is Cor-Bon 180 grain JHP followed by the Winchester Silvertip 200 grain JHP.
.44 Magnum - Cor-Bon's 180 grain or Federal's 180 grain medium-velocity JHP are acceptable, but this is a powerful handgun and not really suited for concealed carry, despite what Dirty Harry says about them.
So, what kind of person chooses to carry a revolver in this age of high capacity semi-automatics?
Revolvers are for people who carry a gun for the same reason they carry car insurance, they don’t plan on using it, but it’s there if they need it. Automatic pistols require more training to use because they are a more complicated piece of machinery so knowing how to clear a jam or fix a malfunction under stress is a part of the combat training. With a revolver, if it doesn’t go bang the first time, you just pull the trigger again and it will be ready to go. If you don’t think you need 18 rounds of ammo loaded in your Glock 17 9mm, then a revolver can be your new friend and be very happy together.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Choosing a Pistol for Private Investigation or Concealed Carry
What Type of Pistol Should I Carry? (Part One)
Among the gun enthusiast crowd this is a topic of great debate (i.e. name calling and personal attacks) and there isn’t any real consensus among them, only the various “camps” who extol the virtues of their favorite pistol.
The first question to be answered is whether you can really shoot someone. You have to know, that even if you are justified in using deadly force, you are going to go on emotional, and possibly legal, rollercoaster ride that will affect every aspect of your life. I would recommend Dave Grossman’s book “On Killing” to further explore the emotional impact of a shooting on someone’s emotional health. Mas Ayoob, a noted expert in the use of lethal force, has books and seminars that will explain what the legal ramifications are in using lethal force. Look for his books and courses at WWW.ayoob.com.
The second question you should ask is, “Do I know how to shoot a pistol?” If you don’t, sign up for an NRA basic handgun class at your local range to get the proper training.
Assuming you want to carry a pistol, and if you are not already a gun enthusiast, you are going to find a bewildering array of pistols available (at least in the U.S.A.) to choose from. What I am going to talk about is a few different types of guns, how they function, and what brands to buy.
My first bit of advice, contrary to most brand champions on the internet spew out, is to find a gun that fits you, and do not fit yourself to the supposedly “most awesome” pistol they advocate. I have large hands, but I grip a thin 1911 pistol better than I do a thick Glock pistol. When I was a cop, I carried a Smith and Wesson Model 66 revolver, and I had a problem with both the small grip and the oversized grip offered by the company. I ended up buying a Pachmayr brand rubber grip with my own money to put on the revolver. Even if it means you carry a gun that is considered a “non-starter” in the world of gun enthusiasts, you need to be confident in your ability to grip the weapon solidly. The best way to learn what gun you like is to rent them at your local gun range.
***Just to reiterate, you must find the gun that works for you. I like a full sized 1911 pistol in .45ACP. You on the other hand may pefer a small Beretta .25ACP, even though I don't think much of the .25 caliber cartridge. If the .25 works better for you, then the .25 is the best gun for you.***
Okay, do you choose a revolver or a semi-automatic? The revolver has been phased out of Law Enforcement here in the States, for all intents and purposes. Revolvers, also called Six-Shooters or wheel guns, hold 6 bullets in a cylinder (smaller ones hold 5 bullets) and the reload time is longer than a semi-automatic pistol, which is why Law Enforcement went for the semi-autos. But for PIs or private citizens, a revolver still has several advantages. First, they are very reliable guns and very simple to operate. You put the bullets in, either one by one or with a speed loader (recommended), close the cylinder and pull the trigger. Revolvers are a lot less finicky about the ammunition they fire and because revolvers are simpler mechanically than semi-automatic pistols, they are inherently more reliable and simpler to operate. Also, speaking strictly from statistics, the odds of firing more than two shots in a self defense event is very, very low, even if you are in law enforcement. They also come in small packages making them easier to conceal and more comfortable to carry.
Here is a link to a YouTube video showing a revolver being fired.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTO0A_ZyHNA
But what caliber should I get? The common self defense calibers are, in roughly their order of power are, .22 Long Rifle (usable, but underpowered), .32 (still underpowered), .38 Special, .357 Magnum, .44 Special, and .44 Magnum. My opinion is you should go with either a .38 Special or a .357 Magnum (but remember what I said above about the pistol fitting you). The .38 was a very common police and military round until the .357 Magnum came about, and then that became the most common law enforcement caliber until the switch to semi-automatics. Here’s a bit of trivia for you, the .38 special bullet is not actually .38 inches in diameter, it is .357 inches in diameter. The .38 should have been called the .357 or the .357 Magnum should have been called the .38 Magnum (I don’t know why they weren’t). A .357 Magnum pistol will shoot both .38 Special ammunition and .357 Magnum ammunition, but a pistol chambered for .38 Special ammunition can only shoot .38 Special ammunition.
.44 Specials and .44 Magnums are fine guns, but are big, have strong recoil, and more expensive to shoot than the ever present .38 and .357 Magnums. If you are in bear country, then a .44 Magnum might be worth considering, but it’s really too big for every day concealed carry. There are other calibers, but they are niche calibers and not meant for self defense. (Edit: My old Chief emailed me to tell my the .41 Magnum might be a niche gun, but it was meant for self defense. He is right, but I'm still not including it because it is a niche gun.)
How long of barrel should I get? I would recommend a 2 or 4 inch barrel. Longer barrels are more accurate, but most gunfights happen at spitting distance.
What brand should I get? My favorite wheel gun manufacturer is Smith and Wesson, after that I would pick a Colt, and then a Ruger. Ruger is the cheapest of the three and Colt is the most expensive. Unless you are an experienced shooter, I’d stick with these three brands. (Edit: I'm getting some heat for this, many Ruger owners prefer them to Colts. I probably shouldn't have put them in my order of preference,)
What else should I know? Make sure you buy a double action revolver. That means when you pull the trigger, the hammer cocks itself and then falls forward to fire the gun. The first revolvers were all single action, which means the hammer had to be cocked with the thumb and then the trigger pulled. Because of the popularity of Cowboy Shooting Sports, there are a lot of single action pistols on the market, but you definitely want a double action gun.
Also, in the attempt to increase the stopping power of smaller bullets, like the .38 Special, some ammunition will be marked +P, which means that it has extra powder and will have a bigger bang than regular .38 Special ammo, so make sure of what ammo you’re buying as +P ammo can damage a gun not rated for it.
Among the gun enthusiast crowd this is a topic of great debate (i.e. name calling and personal attacks) and there isn’t any real consensus among them, only the various “camps” who extol the virtues of their favorite pistol.
The first question to be answered is whether you can really shoot someone. You have to know, that even if you are justified in using deadly force, you are going to go on emotional, and possibly legal, rollercoaster ride that will affect every aspect of your life. I would recommend Dave Grossman’s book “On Killing” to further explore the emotional impact of a shooting on someone’s emotional health. Mas Ayoob, a noted expert in the use of lethal force, has books and seminars that will explain what the legal ramifications are in using lethal force. Look for his books and courses at WWW.ayoob.com.
The second question you should ask is, “Do I know how to shoot a pistol?” If you don’t, sign up for an NRA basic handgun class at your local range to get the proper training.
Assuming you want to carry a pistol, and if you are not already a gun enthusiast, you are going to find a bewildering array of pistols available (at least in the U.S.A.) to choose from. What I am going to talk about is a few different types of guns, how they function, and what brands to buy.
My first bit of advice, contrary to most brand champions on the internet spew out, is to find a gun that fits you, and do not fit yourself to the supposedly “most awesome” pistol they advocate. I have large hands, but I grip a thin 1911 pistol better than I do a thick Glock pistol. When I was a cop, I carried a Smith and Wesson Model 66 revolver, and I had a problem with both the small grip and the oversized grip offered by the company. I ended up buying a Pachmayr brand rubber grip with my own money to put on the revolver. Even if it means you carry a gun that is considered a “non-starter” in the world of gun enthusiasts, you need to be confident in your ability to grip the weapon solidly. The best way to learn what gun you like is to rent them at your local gun range.
***Just to reiterate, you must find the gun that works for you. I like a full sized 1911 pistol in .45ACP. You on the other hand may pefer a small Beretta .25ACP, even though I don't think much of the .25 caliber cartridge. If the .25 works better for you, then the .25 is the best gun for you.***
Okay, do you choose a revolver or a semi-automatic? The revolver has been phased out of Law Enforcement here in the States, for all intents and purposes. Revolvers, also called Six-Shooters or wheel guns, hold 6 bullets in a cylinder (smaller ones hold 5 bullets) and the reload time is longer than a semi-automatic pistol, which is why Law Enforcement went for the semi-autos. But for PIs or private citizens, a revolver still has several advantages. First, they are very reliable guns and very simple to operate. You put the bullets in, either one by one or with a speed loader (recommended), close the cylinder and pull the trigger. Revolvers are a lot less finicky about the ammunition they fire and because revolvers are simpler mechanically than semi-automatic pistols, they are inherently more reliable and simpler to operate. Also, speaking strictly from statistics, the odds of firing more than two shots in a self defense event is very, very low, even if you are in law enforcement. They also come in small packages making them easier to conceal and more comfortable to carry.
Here is a link to a YouTube video showing a revolver being fired.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTO0A_ZyHNA
But what caliber should I get? The common self defense calibers are, in roughly their order of power are, .22 Long Rifle (usable, but underpowered), .32 (still underpowered), .38 Special, .357 Magnum, .44 Special, and .44 Magnum. My opinion is you should go with either a .38 Special or a .357 Magnum (but remember what I said above about the pistol fitting you). The .38 was a very common police and military round until the .357 Magnum came about, and then that became the most common law enforcement caliber until the switch to semi-automatics. Here’s a bit of trivia for you, the .38 special bullet is not actually .38 inches in diameter, it is .357 inches in diameter. The .38 should have been called the .357 or the .357 Magnum should have been called the .38 Magnum (I don’t know why they weren’t). A .357 Magnum pistol will shoot both .38 Special ammunition and .357 Magnum ammunition, but a pistol chambered for .38 Special ammunition can only shoot .38 Special ammunition.
.44 Specials and .44 Magnums are fine guns, but are big, have strong recoil, and more expensive to shoot than the ever present .38 and .357 Magnums. If you are in bear country, then a .44 Magnum might be worth considering, but it’s really too big for every day concealed carry. There are other calibers, but they are niche calibers and not meant for self defense. (Edit: My old Chief emailed me to tell my the .41 Magnum might be a niche gun, but it was meant for self defense. He is right, but I'm still not including it because it is a niche gun.)
How long of barrel should I get? I would recommend a 2 or 4 inch barrel. Longer barrels are more accurate, but most gunfights happen at spitting distance.
What brand should I get? My favorite wheel gun manufacturer is Smith and Wesson, after that I would pick a Colt, and then a Ruger. Ruger is the cheapest of the three and Colt is the most expensive. Unless you are an experienced shooter, I’d stick with these three brands. (Edit: I'm getting some heat for this, many Ruger owners prefer them to Colts. I probably shouldn't have put them in my order of preference,)
What else should I know? Make sure you buy a double action revolver. That means when you pull the trigger, the hammer cocks itself and then falls forward to fire the gun. The first revolvers were all single action, which means the hammer had to be cocked with the thumb and then the trigger pulled. Because of the popularity of Cowboy Shooting Sports, there are a lot of single action pistols on the market, but you definitely want a double action gun.
Also, in the attempt to increase the stopping power of smaller bullets, like the .38 Special, some ammunition will be marked +P, which means that it has extra powder and will have a bigger bang than regular .38 Special ammo, so make sure of what ammo you’re buying as +P ammo can damage a gun not rated for it.
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