Infidelity

Cheating Spouses

I was having a conversation today with an acquaintance of mine, and they asked me what to look for to see if a spouse was cheating. I responded that the first thing I do, if they seem like they have some doubt, is have the person take a deep breath, and reply, without thinking about it, to a question I am going to ask them. The question I ask is “Do you think your husband/wife is cheating on you?”

Why do I ask that? Because I want their gut reaction, you see. If you lived with someone for awhile, you know them and you know their habits and routines. When something is out of place, your subconscious is noticing the facts, and that gives rise to the feelings of suspicion.

If they say yes, or if they are already convinced their partner is cheating, then I ask them what makes them think infidelity is occurring. If they can’t articulate why they are suspicious, then I ask them some standard questions.

1. Does your spouse want a lot more privacy than usual? Are they taking long walks, talking to people in the middle of the night, or just demand “some time to think”?

2. Has your spouse had any mood swings lately? Guilt will cause some people to swing from happy to angry and back again without apparent cause.


3. Has your spouse suddenly taken an interest in working out and dieting, and actually follow through? People like to impress their new “loves”.

4. Does your spouse spend a lot of time on their computer and changes the screen whenever you come close?

5. Have you ever found two sets of cups or other food containers when there should have been only one?

6. Does your spouse rarely seem to shower and yet always looks fresh and well groomed? It could be they are showering somewhere else.

7. Do they work a lot of overtime, but you haven’t seen any extra money in their income?

8. Does you find yourself being criticized for everything and does your spouse blame you for everything?

9. Have you checked their odometer and found extra miles they can’t account for?

10. Do they tell one story when questioned, and then later will say something different?

11. Has your sex life dropped off?

12. Are their unexplained purchases on the credit card or unexplained receipts?

13. Is someone calling and then hanging up or are they getting calls and suddenly excuse themselves from the room?

14. Does your spouse spend more time away from home than they did before?

15. Do you smell cologne or perfume on them that isn’t yours?

16. Have you been treated for an STD lately?

Usually, there will be one or more of these signs showing if your spouse is cheating. If none of these questions fit the situation exactly, they will usually jog someone’s memory and they will tell me what caused their suspicions.

If you noticed any of these things, then you have a right to be suspicious. Even if you haven’t consciously noticed them, your subconscious probably will, and you should trust your instincts.